Ok, so last night I decided that I am not going to let this project (mentioned in yesterday's post) beat me! It is just not going to happen. So I worked on it. And I decided that I am going to finish it before my school program starts on the 27th of this month. Which means I have some serious work to do. But I can do it and I won't have a nervous break down. I won't.
So, my oldest daughter has a very sad face. It breaks my heart when she looks at me and looks so sad. I just want to fix everything in the world that might be bothering her. Last night we were at Wal-Mart and for whatever reason, her face was so sad, I almost cried. What am I doing wrong that she is that sad? My heart is broken for her. And for that, I am very sad. Oh well. There may be more later. We shall see...
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Hello!
Ok, I'm going to try this blogging thing. I'm fairly certain that no one will read my blog, but that's ok. Right now, I can't afford therapy, so this is what I can do...
I'm a thirty-something mother of two girls (ages 2 and 1) with prematurely gray hair (yes, I was gray before I had children) a dog, a cat and a husband. I have a job that I hate with a passion, I love to crochet and spend time with my daughters. I love to take pictures (and I try very hard to convince myself that I'm good at it), and I'm getting ready to start school so that I can yet again switch careers. (Yes, I've already switched careers once, and I'm trying to do it again).
Right now, I am working on a project for a friend's mom. I don't like this project. It is not cooperating with me. I am following the pattern word by word, letter by letter. This project is not going well. As I follow the pattern, I expect to get the results the pattern says that I should get. This is so not happening. I am making a vest. It is with crochet thread, as opposed to yarn, which I am used to. So this vest is also hurting me physically, as well. I started the vest, and got to a good point and said to my friend, take this, this vest, to your mother and have her try it on. She does and comes back and says its too small. Damn. I knew this was going to be the case. So now I have to frog the vest, and start over. Which I have done. And I am still not getting the results that I am used to getting. I'm pretty good at crochet. I've been doing it for a while, and I'm pretty decent. For the most part, I can whip up a purse with the best of them. Not so with this vest. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, and I can't figure out how to fix it. What to do? This vest is taking my love of crochet and making me dread doing it. I whipped up a dishcloth the other day, just to prove to myself that it is the pattern, not me. That did make me feel better. So, my question is this...is it weird that the nervous breakdown that I feel I am preparing myself for, is going to come because this project will not cooperate with me? Not because I have a job that I hate, that I go to every day, not because right this moment, I am having problems with my husband and he is oblivious, not because I am 35 and not anywhere close to being where I wanted to be by this time in my life. But because my crochet project has 15 stitches between the peaks and valleys instead of the 11 that the pattern says I'm supposed to have.
I'm a thirty-something mother of two girls (ages 2 and 1) with prematurely gray hair (yes, I was gray before I had children) a dog, a cat and a husband. I have a job that I hate with a passion, I love to crochet and spend time with my daughters. I love to take pictures (and I try very hard to convince myself that I'm good at it), and I'm getting ready to start school so that I can yet again switch careers. (Yes, I've already switched careers once, and I'm trying to do it again).
Right now, I am working on a project for a friend's mom. I don't like this project. It is not cooperating with me. I am following the pattern word by word, letter by letter. This project is not going well. As I follow the pattern, I expect to get the results the pattern says that I should get. This is so not happening. I am making a vest. It is with crochet thread, as opposed to yarn, which I am used to. So this vest is also hurting me physically, as well. I started the vest, and got to a good point and said to my friend, take this, this vest, to your mother and have her try it on. She does and comes back and says its too small. Damn. I knew this was going to be the case. So now I have to frog the vest, and start over. Which I have done. And I am still not getting the results that I am used to getting. I'm pretty good at crochet. I've been doing it for a while, and I'm pretty decent. For the most part, I can whip up a purse with the best of them. Not so with this vest. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, and I can't figure out how to fix it. What to do? This vest is taking my love of crochet and making me dread doing it. I whipped up a dishcloth the other day, just to prove to myself that it is the pattern, not me. That did make me feel better. So, my question is this...is it weird that the nervous breakdown that I feel I am preparing myself for, is going to come because this project will not cooperate with me? Not because I have a job that I hate, that I go to every day, not because right this moment, I am having problems with my husband and he is oblivious, not because I am 35 and not anywhere close to being where I wanted to be by this time in my life. But because my crochet project has 15 stitches between the peaks and valleys instead of the 11 that the pattern says I'm supposed to have.
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